grayishgrounder

It’s cold

I remember the last time I felt it

What was so cold about it now that I am actually feeling it again?

It’s different, though

So I’m not gonna make any comparison between the two

Need some warmth now

Need comfort

Wanna feel that I have some company

that some people still think of me

Not those people, though

Not those who would ask me what’s with it

Not some people who would nicely try to console me with some nice and up-lifting words

Not that I hate kindness

Not that I don’t believe they’re sincere

Not that I don’t buy what they’d say

Well, I’d probably think some of them as crappy lip service; I know

But it’s not like I don’t appreciate the endeavor

I just already know whatever it is they’re gonna say

Yet, I don’t think they actually get me

Want some warm company here

Wanna feel safe

Tried to reach for it, already

But somehow don’t have high drive to do much

Don’t even have enough drive to do anything

Not at the very moment, at least

I knew it would happen

Just didn’t know when

It’s not because of the reason it happened

I can understand that

It’s not so much for what I know I’m gonna go through, I’m sure

I know I’m gonna get through it, eventually

Been there before

It’s just that I don’t see it didn’t take that hard for it to happen

Didn’t all that count for something at all, at least?

Couldn’t believe what I heard

Are you trying to fool me?

Or are you trying to lie to yourself?

Or are you paralyzed by the too much burden on your shoulders so you let go what’s in your grab, thinking that’s what’s aggravating?

Or are you just simply trying to make it easier for you?

Certainly not easier for me

‘Coz I can handle the choice

I can handle the painful truth of the facts

I just couldn’t handle the lies that well; you should’ve known me better

A minute of your guilty feeling

A minute of your trying to make it up

The next minute you decide

You said it’d been there for quite a while

So how come you never told me before?

You said this had been burdening you

What have I asked you to do, actually?

Burden?

You thought wrong and you didn’t ask first

Prejudice that led you to some heavily-burdened feelings, thinking you needed to do so much for so long

I had already been fine for quite a while, just so you know

You just couldn’t see it or even bring yourself to ask how it had been going

You didn’t need to do that much anymore, actually

But what can I say now?

You’ve thought that whatever you did was obligation

You’ve made yourself believe you lost it, a way to deny what actually was happening

The burden has somehow made it all blurry

You couldn’t see that there was other reason you’re there all this time

But what can I tell you now?

You’ve come way too deep to your conclusion

You now think there’s no use keeping it

Something has come back to steal your sight again like it did before

You don’t wanna admit it to yourself so you put the blame on something else

You’re human, I know

That’s why I try to understand it

Just hope you do too